Weblog of Aaron.

I love you, soda! Why don't you love me?

2012-01-27T06:12:00.001-08:00

1 soda-free week completed. I've been drinking a lot of iced tea. I've had some 'fun' headaches that have begun to subside. I'm definitely sleeping better, except the part where it's really hard to get out of my comfy, comfy bed (which was difficult anyway).

I've also shaved $80 of unneeded monthly expenses from my life in the form of terminating home internet and a couple of music subscription services. It's good ol' NPR and such for me! It also gives me a chance to use the public library more. This will be good for my body as well as my mind, as one of our librarians has threatened physical harm on my person if I don't come into the library. I like my person, so I'll comply.

2012-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a soft drink all day. This is harder than quitting smoking. It's also probably my 30th attempt. Stupid delicious soda.

2011-11-27T23:32:00.001-08:00

So damn stupid.

2011-10-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

They're practically giving away flights to Europe right now. Where should I go next year?

2011-10-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

Stupid boring existence

2011-08-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

I try to be open to different ways of doing things, but eating with chopsticks is really silly. It just is.

2011-08-26T06:16:00.001-07:00

Wheels up, fools.

2011-08-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

So I have deleted Facebook. On a related note, if anyone reading this who is an FB friend could confirm I don't show up on the site, I'd appreciate it.

I'd love to say this is some way of de-linking with the impersonal online world, but honestly I just wasted too much damn time on that site to my detriment. The people who matter can still reach me, and if I need to get hold of anyone I have other ways. I just kinda got sick of the same ol' crap from the same ol' ninnies. Hey, jerks: I love my family and friends as well. It's not a contest. I felt as though I were reading a Hallmark card. While I don't believe there is truly original thought anymore, it'd be nice to have the illusion from time to time.

The author can be reached at aaron.manton(at)gmail(dot)com or mantoon(at)yahoo(dot)com. Follow Aaron Manton on Twitter @amntn

2011-08-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

Yours truly leapt into the world of e-reading with the purchase of a Kobo® e-ink reader. I was ready to enjoy free public domain books as well as the ability to borrow from the local library. I keep forgetting that I'm a dummy. So far I've only spent $25 on books, so that isn't bad. The real joy for the burgeoning minimalist (sort of) is that I will not have the buttload of books to move whenever I move house; this bad boy holes thousands of volumes, plus I get fun little 'rewards' for reading! I sound like a child. This means it was a fine purchase. If it doesn't make me giddy, I don't really need it.

2011-07-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

I often think about how great it would be if my house burned down, leaving me with only the cat, dog and clothes on my back. I'd like to think it's because I'm skeptical of the importance of worldly possessions, but I suspect it's because I'd be money ahead after the insurance policy paid.

Hilarity

2011-06-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

'Worms can go fuck themselves' - Alec Sulkin

This is the funniest thing I've read in a while.

2011-06-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

As fun as I make working easy two jobs look, it isn't fun. It's made me pissy, lethargic, fat(ter) and a drunk. To this end, I am slowly initiating good things into my life. I am currently in the middle of going through each and every item in my possession and getting rid of a great majority of them. I have 4 rooms of my house down and am in the process of bringing up the shit in the basement to force myself to do the basement and kitchen. After that it's just the garage, which is mostly refuse and recycling anyway. Yay.

I've also messed with my schedule a bit to get back into MMA classes twice a week. I took MMA for a couple months before taking off for Britain and have meant to get back into it. It's good for fitness and my mood - I can work off the anger that permeates into my life. I have no plans to go out and fight anyone or anything, as I'm still soft as they come.

Re: drunk, I'm noticing I spend an inordinate sum of money on food and drink. I'm scaling myself back to once, maybe twice a week going out to the tavern. I need to sleep. I can't replicate my drinking 'glory days' of 2002-2007 if I want functional kidneys. Maybe once all my crap is removed from the basement and I can get to my weight bench again I can rock up. Aw hell whom am I kidding? I'll settle for pudgy.

Kinda looking forward to turning 30. Two more months...

Be sure to use 'zoom'. Yes, I am insane now.

2011-04-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

Holy sweet god damn she left the cello in the basement

2011-01-21T22:16:00.000-08:00

Society conditions us despite our best efforts. I've been listening to Weezer's 'Pinkerton', an album I had in heavy rotation in 1996. Rivers Cuomo was yearning for a girl, I assumed at the time. She was half-Japanese, and he liked her. In 1997 I realised he was shouting at the world his Yellow Fever (affinity for women of an East Asian background). As I've aged I've been conditioned to be more put off by this than I had been. How can he sexualise an entire ethnic group?! raged the good little college boy. He's chasing a stereotype with his yearning for cellists and schoolgirls!

Doing pretty well so far, right? Here's where I admit my folly and everyone else can ruminate on their own if applicable:

1. All romantic attraction is sexual. Of course Rivers has preferences! They just happen to be different from mine. Very. Aaron Manton's Pinkerton would have been about arguing, bad jokes and prominent noses. If you hear of any musicians writing songs about engaging, handsome Americans of Canadian extraction let us know (please, please PLEASE Carrie Brownstein!)

2. Stereotypes are always in play, and interracial relations are highly sexualised by outside observers. The example: white woman, black man. Spike Lee made a living doing a much better job explaining this than I ever could. All I can say is that marriage is marriage; what happens in one's bedroom leading up to that is a different story, but couplings are much more human than assumed freaky sex. TV and music do a great job selling us something different than human reality.

Anyway, this comes up in part because I have two close (white) friends who are about to marry Oriental girls. One couple is pretty sedate about it; you don't hear anything said between them regarding their differences. With the other, it's a joke. I have to think that both at some point had to have the 'do you like me for me or for what you think I represent?' conversation. I have no doubt that the feelings are real and personal in both cases. It's just sort of unfortunate we've been conditioned to the point that we have to ask these questions.

Then again I'm probably the only person thinking about this. Not attractive.

Life bullets

2011-01-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

I am never living in a home with carpet again. Yes my dog is loud when she walks, but it's a small price to pay. Blecch to such things.

Vitamin D is an underrated nutrient. I've been supplementing with some pills and it helps tremendously. Maybe when the sun comes back I can get some the natural way.

I need another dog. It's a mistake to be sure, but my current pet will be happy with a friend. The cat is sometimes reclusive, and he deserves his time as well.

I need time. I've been rethinking my schedule and I waste far too much time on fruitless nonsense. I'll need more time for gym, house work and actual conviviality. This will mean less vegetable time. Perhaps some crank...

Worth squinting

2010-11-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

I went swimming for the first time in ages last night. I still can't put my face in the water.

Song: The Swimming Song (Loudon Wainwright)

2010-11-02T09:04:00.001-07:00

I am trying an experiment. It involves making my home so spartan it’s not possible for it to become a disaster area. Obivously this plan only works for single men, but I have faith in it. Unfortunately for me, this comes at a culinary crossroads: my trusty $15 pot and pan set from Big Lots has gone kaput on me. I guess $3 a year for pots and pans isn’t bad. Now it’s time to be a big boy. Obviously I don’t mean to be a ‘copper pot/Viking range’ grown-ass man, but I think something from the Rachael Ray/Nigella Lawson/Paula Hope-Y’all-Brought-Your-Stretchy-Pants genus would do for the young gadfly.

2010-10-17T00:51:00.000-07:00

I'm trying. I want to do better than I am. I feel like I'm getting somewhere, but as ever the question is 'where am I going?'.

I want every friend I have to know that much of my happiness derives from their successes and happiness and that I hurt along with them despite my facade.

I'm trying not to be hurt easily. I read something recently that hurt me, and I will develop thicker skin.

Anyway, I got a funny e-mail today. I sent off a couple of old phones to a local shelter. My friend is the director of the org and she asked if I wanted my 1989 Chris Sabo Topps baseball card. I used an old box I had to ship the phones and apparently this baseball card was stuck in the flap. I told her to raffle it off *

*(cash value $0.50)

2010-10-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

I hate wasting my time.

2010-10-08T00:42:00.000-07:00

Positive self-image is hard. I just unloaded all my nasty thoughts on a friend - these thoughts had built up over WEEKS of doing my best to change my thinking. The problem is that my jokes always had the same punchline: me. It's hard changing what I was always good at doing. I do think I've gotten funnier in the past few weeks, but it's hard to break away. It's hard to gauge success in these endeavours; I don't know what success is here. I have made new friends, but would they have liked me as a more self-hating person? Some people would have.

Road (or treadmill) runner...

2010-09-08T20:40:00.000-07:00

I started running today, going 1.5 miles (@ 2.4 km) on a treadmill. I did stop a few times to catch my breath, but after I got going I felt good. In fact, the reason I stopped was the knowledge that these Five Finger shoes require me to take it easy at first so I become acclimated to 'barefoot' running. My calves are already backsassing me, so I figure tomorrow I will be sore. I feel good, almost like a noodle (or maybe Spätzli).

Yeah, this is going to sting. Next time out I will try to go the same distance but more consistently.

2010-09-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

My name is Aaron, and I am mildly depressed. Perhaps that isn't shocking, but it's not something to which I readily admit.

I've spent hours and hours of my life making apologies for me, generally for things that did not hurt or offend anyone. Seems counterproductive.

I've assumed that everyone secretly despises me, but pretends to like me to avoid conflict. Seems unlikely.

I thought nobody could see through my 'fun guy' act. I know that isn't true.

The solution? Time. Pills are not for me, and neither is going to a complete stranger to be told how I feel.

I think a lot of our problems are rooted in living in a way that does not reflect our principles. I feel like I could be much better if I tried more. I've spent my life without putting much effort into anything, and anyone who has an intellect does himself a disservice by not using it. I'm going to learn how to do new things. An active mind is a happier life.

Of course it's okay to feel upset from time to time, but it's best if it be for a concrete reason. Right now I can't think of a good one. I am capable, fun and beloved. Things will be fine.

29...

2010-08-21T22:49:00.001-07:00

Yep. I'm older. Yee haw.

2010-07-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Nonentity. That's the word I was looking for.

2010-07-13T00:53:00.000-07:00

I fear trying for a career at which I honestly believe I would excel because people would assume I am pursuing it due to a Napoleonic complex. Does anyone know a good shrink?

Destination: known

2010-07-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

I need some experts who can help me with my trip planning. I will be visiting this nation in August and have about 2.5-3 days, depending on if I can change my trip dates. I am definitely interested in the Old City and wine regions, but what would a native tell me to see in this time (besides said natives, which is a given)? The lazy bastard in me would just rent a car and go where I like, but I also plan on drinking so that's out.

Throwin' it open

2010-06-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

I am definitely coming to this city. However, I plan to bounce to Europe proper for a few days. Where should I go?

2010-06-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

I love my morals right now. I am doing the right thing for good reasons. I almost don't recognise me - normally I am sneaky and manipulative.

2010-06-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

The last month has been great; I've learned I have a lot more pride than I thought. Sometimes it takes a metaphorical slap in the head to get right. I feel...liked. Cared about. Important. It doesn't always seem like it, but there it is.

2010-06-01T23:11:00.001-07:00

I used to think I was a bright guy; it's just not true.

2010-05-29T22:38:00.001-07:00

I canna stop swinging at ghosts.

2010-05-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

Yeeeeeargh! So bored, no money, need a roof. There are places where I can test generic drugs, but people with real jobs are not given many opportunities. Why can't I sit around having my blood drawn? This is horseshit.

2010-05-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

Go away, rain! Not only do I have a roof leak, I want to use the trails! My dog gets antsy if she is not regularly walked for at least an hour. This is pretty easy where I live, as we have a pretty nice network of paved bike trails. When the railways left, we were left with all this old track, and someone got the idea to pave them over so they had a purpose. Unfortunately it is raining, so I have SOMEONE staring at me constantly for entertainment.

My house is a wreck. Maybe I ought to clean it. I cannot wait for my government $$$ to come in.

2010-04-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

I finally bought a new bed. I've been hemming and hawing about it for months, and my back finally had enough. This time I went with a Memory Foam® number. I slept on one at a hotel and really liked it. It was a bit hot, but I enjoyed not hearing springs moving about. I also like the idea of a bed fitting into a box. This is a funny concept to me.

2010-04-18T19:48:00.001-07:00

I was on the way to the gym tonight because I read that exercise helps with digestion. In my inner monologue I think 'you need to admit this is all a result of anxiety'. Just like that I had a giant shit-eating grin. Am I all the way gone, or is this positive? I do know my arm is sore.

Taxes

2010-04-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

Can't wait to get back my tax refund - I'll be getting exactly $6304. Much of it will be used for home repairs, but I will also use some to get my happy self flown to the 'deen this August. This is hopefully enough of a warning so that people who want to avoid me can change their plans. I promise to shower daily.

Not up the junction

2010-04-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

Ja!

So I purchased several 'learn a language' packs from the bookshop. I am on the second lesson of 'Learn German'. I can't wait to hear how I sound with the vocabulary of a 3 year-old German. I'm not sure why I'm trying to learn several languages. Perhaps I need a more challenging life.

Why I love Canada

2010-04-07T07:57:00.001-07:00

It's a country people like me run.

2010-04-06T01:02:00.000-07:00

Bored. Upset. Crusty. Would be hostile if it made a difference. I'm not smart; why does normal life make me angry?

2010-04-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Lousy sinus infection. I am dizzy.

Uh oh

2010-03-28T02:20:00.001-07:00

These problems had better be related to my thyroid.

2010-03-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

Brain stultified!

I've been doing some spring cleaning. My kitchen and bedroom are looking pretty good, save the garbage disposal breaking. Yeesh - 30 years old and it breaks! Next up are the living room and bathroom, followed by sorting out all the junk I'm giving to charity. After that, I'll clean the basement as I see fit. Awesome!

Hopefully after all this I'll have some time to learn new/old things. I impulsively bought some CD language courses at the bookshop the other day. I have intros to French, Italian and Spanish. If those go well, I might look into German. I heard somewhere that studying several languages at once aids with retention. Either I will become a competent speaker of many tongues or a moron who speaks his own unintelligible language.

So THIS is why people assume I'm dumb!

2010-03-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

I know you think we're all this way: http://moronswithsigns.blogspot.com

Perception

2010-03-21T18:19:00.000-07:00

Talking with my sister has been a gold mine of information. It has told me who I am, which is much different than what I thought. Years ago, I researched a guy from St. Louis who was the son of Jewish immigrants from France. I thought this man was my paternal grandfather. Nope! It turns out my paternal grandfather, who has the exact same name as this man, is from Cleveland, Ohio. According to my sister, my background is German/Swiss/Puritan. I guess it's interesting as I am directly descended from a major figure in early Colonial history, but it's also disappointing. I don't like coming from a Lutheran/Puritan background - it's boring! I know intellectually that ancestry is not indicative of who I am, but to go from being different to just another boring Protestant honky is tough. The Shafer family heirloom is a handwritten German Bible, fer chrissakes. 500 years and we still have a Bible? Damn.

2010-03-16T19:48:00.001-07:00

I spoke with my sister tonight. We hadn't spoken in a while due to loss of phones on both our parts. It was nice to chat again for half an hour. It's funny the things that we have in common, given that we met when I was 26. I saw a Facebook shot of her giving an expression of boredom that I often give - where I tilt my head down and to the left, eye askew. Despite the fact she's a cute, happy woman and I an ugly, grouchy guy, it's an obvious similarity. What's makes things easy for two people who met so late on to bond is that we're both excessively chatty. I know everyone hates me for this trait, but it's made me a lot of friends.

I've been singing Jerry Jeff Walker tonight. I have no clue why.

Thought.

2010-03-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

If figure skating is considered a sport, la lutte professional might as well be in the summer Olympics.

chortle

2010-03-11T08:43:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I'm childish.

Er, click on the image to see the whole thing.

2010-03-08T20:53:00.000-08:00

I prefer delusion to clarity. So little matters to me now I can't get excited. Whoever sold simplicity as peace did not have it all together. I understand why people find religion - it shuts up that nagging little voice telling you off for a million different things. Perhaps god is simply the manifestation of the conscience, as many much sharper than I have already surmised. They're certainly linked. Community guilt is easier to cope with than that very personal guilt coming from a lifetime of offences. I certainly have an easier time apologising to an abstract concept about the myriad people I have wronged in my time. I will certainly punish myself more severely than any sounding board made up of my notions of eternity. I almost wish I were on drugs so I wouldn't write soppy shit like this.

This all began when a coworker said in short I'll never have a soulmate. I've let that marinate a bit and focused on the idea of god/the soul and how this idea affects relations rather than the extremely hurtful intimation that I am unlovable. I have always been proud of my militant rejection of the soul. I stand by that rejection. The soul as a concept isn't necessarily god, but god is a terrific catchall for many different traditions. Soul is a great nickname for the processes by which we regulate ourselves emotionally and morally. It's so good that many who call themselves irreligious affix all sorts of ethereal qualities to the 'soul', and a person who fits enough of one's physical, mental, financial and moral wants is called a 'soulmate'. It's interesting the lengths to which people will go to assert that someone is 'the one for them'. Based on pure numbers, everyone has many soulmates from which to choose - we are a generic bunch when you get down to animal needs like mating. This is not to say connections aren't important, but rather that we can't shut out new people and things out of course. Your better than best friend might be around the corner.

The future

2010-03-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

...NOW!

Seriously - hand-writing taxes is a waste of ink and fuel, but my beloved Revenuers won't make -efiling free. I have to go through some intermediary that will charge for doing State forms at the very least. I'm not about to pay $110 for the privilege of doing the government's accounting for them. As such, tomorrow I will print off my tax forms and do the whole thing by hand, sending them to the 3 governments to whom I answer by registered mail. This will save me about $100. Way to keep it green, Uncle Sam.

More proof that dogs are idiots

2010-03-04T10:19:00.000-08:00

Californ-iyay

2010-02-27T20:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a week, so I can reflect on my holiday to the West Coast.

I can do this in bullet points.

- Los Angeles and the surrounding area is awful.
- San Francisco is still great.
- Northern California is gorgeous, but very country.
- I hate living where I do, but it sure is cheap.
- I hate driving everywhere.
- San Francisco is expensive.

Where Mother works is really nice, but so remote I'd never want to spend more than a few days. I think people in the SF Bay area have it right: stay in a mild climate and head up to the snow and such on the weekends. It's much easier that way, especially heading back to a city's superior public transit and entertainment options. I'd love to go to SF to live, but housing is insane. A place the size of my house in a decent area would be $750K. Yikes.

I wanna live in Europe.

Taxe$

2010-02-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

Everything is in order for filing my income tax return. For once I don't dread this use of an evening, as I'll be getting a cheque worth approximately $7500 as a 'reward' for buying a home at well below its value. Unfortunately, as always happens with homes this money is spent already. Your boy has to buy new windows and gutters. I have the old kind made of aluminium and single-pane glass. This is not optimal for energy conservation or for collecting another cheque next year for installing energy-efficient windows. Uncle Sucker thinks I need to be bribed to do anything, and I'm not telling him otherwise. Next year, it's siding and appliances. I'd do it this year, but my basement is leaky and I will get my pathetic bathroom refinished. I think it will look better with a weekend and some materials.

Do you really think she'll pull through?

2010-02-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

The Smiths - Girlfriend In A Coma

I had a tape of 'Strangeways Here We Come' back in junior high. A kid called me a fag when he saw it. Turns out he was gay. I still don't talk to him.

I need to move

2010-02-07T00:43:00.000-08:00

Help ol' Aaron. I need to leave where I am. I have no reason to stay where I currently reside. My 3 options are: San Francisco, California; Canada; Europe. Knowing what you know of me, where should I go? Thankfully my employment with the US government makes it very easy for me to work just about anywhere I please. Where will I be happy? All I want is to not hate my very existence.

2010-02-05T07:41:00.000-08:00

I can correctly pronounce 'Antigonish', a nondescript city in Nova Scotia. Is that bad?

Meaningless milestone

2010-02-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

After a looong plateau, yours truly is down a total of 50 lb/22.6 kg. I'm getting close to where I was pre-depression and am ready to blow past that. It really doesn't mean much in and of itself, but round numbers are good for the psyche. I'll be happy to get back in the gym tomorrow - I've spent the past few days working on the house. I made a couple impulse buys that have improved the joint immensely.

Speaking of impulse, I have trebled the amount I am putting into my retirement fund. I rationalised this by telling myself I won't even miss this money. Right now I am a hermit, so the money is better in the retirement fund. I've got about $400 socked away in the 'Aberdeen fund', so I figure I can step on the pedal re: retirement. I plan to be retired the second I am able to be. Working past one's mid-50s should be done exclusively for joy and beer money. I hope to be a part-time flight attendant when I retire from the salaried world. I figure the discount would be a plus.

Still pining for San Francisco. I feel 8 again, in a good way.

snicker

2010-01-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

'It doesn't make me un-American to say I'd rather live in Paris than places where cheese only comes in individually-wrapped slices'. - Bill Maher

Love and basketball

2010-01-26T21:12:00.000-08:00

Basketball became my sporting obsession a couple years ago - it's a much more interesting, nuanced game than American football and significantly more exciting than baseball. It's also a paradox: it's the preferred sport of very bright people (one team is run by an MIT statistician) and very dumb people (one player brought several handguns into his locker room and is looking at time).

Anyhoo, I like to focus on the 'bright' part. I just finished a 700-page book about basketball and gained a great deal of insight about a player I used to mock, Bill Walton. The Mountain Man was just too much of a hippie for me. I get him now, and love his approach to basketball and life: can you make the choice that your happiness can come from someone else's success?

Very succinctly put. I like it as an ideal, especially because it will always be a challenge for someone of my enormous selfishitude (not a word).

My body hurts in a good way.

2010-01-24T19:52:00.000-08:00

How does one get writers' block talking about himself? Yikes. I need friends.

Dead on Arrival

2010-01-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

...my life. Christ I am bored.

I've thought of going to San Francisco since I first went there 20 years ago. This is very odd, as I despise the rest of the state of California. I also don't like the west coast, as any time I'd like to travel I have to go much further than if I lived in the East (I have little interest in touring Asia). However, every time I go I feel very much at home. I even have friends who live there. I actually have more friends/family in the western US than I do here. Even my mom moved out there. It's odd.

It seems like I've run out of things to do here. All people do in this area is drink. I like to drink and all, but I don't have to do it 24/7. I'm also sick of driving. This sounds really bad, but I am doubly sick of the all-pervading religiosity of many in the area. Am I really trying to run from loud Christians? I guess I am.

Sore.

2010-01-14T21:36:00.001-08:00

I like lifting weights. I don't like the day after lifting weights. My legs feel like spag bol. Tonight during 'Jersey Shore' (not that I was watching that show, I just know when it's on. heh heh...) I rode the stationary bike as is my custom. Damn is that no fun the day after doing copious squats and leg presses. On the plus side, I am much less nervous. I really don't think I have 'anxiety' so much as my body went on strike due to poor conditions. I am now rid of dairy and sugar, which is something my insides seem to like. Dairy is really unhealthy. I am a vapid man.

RIP Jay

2010-01-13T19:04:00.000-08:00

Way, way too soon.

DANCE!!!

2010-01-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

It's fun to do.

This carrot is tasty

2010-01-11T16:35:00.000-08:00

My uncle's a chiropractor and has this little doohicky that can do a cursory 'scan' for health problems. Here's his take on my anxiety disorder, summarised: 'hey Aaron, you eat like shit, breathe poorly and drink too much soda. Do breathing exercises, eat better and stop drinking soda. See if that helps'.

Aaron: 'yes sir'.

Aaron's brain: 'this is humiliating'.

2010-01-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

As those who know how I dress can attest, I have a pretty strong 'cheap' streak. This has meant an unpleasant winter inside my house. I keep the thermostat pretty low, even when it's well below freezing. My old-timey metal windows have not been a help, which is unfortunate because I love their look. Next winter will be easier. I bought a house this year because of a generous guvmint tax credit (cheap) and will be using the windfall to buy insulated siding and new windows. Energy-efficient windows and siding qualify for yet another tax credit (SO CHEAP!). The only problem is what sort of siding to get, or whether to have the wood restored. I was keen on restoring, but having to go stain that every few years in addition to losing the insulation benefits has curbed my enthusiasm. Besides, insulated siding has come a long way.

I'm very lucky to have bought in a real neighbourhood - mine is the only house that does not scream 'post-WWII housing boom'. This means Permastone siding, gold brick, red roofs... gorgeous. I'd like to do some fake Permastone, I think. Right now this style is the clubhouse leader:

I love early 50s! If only they'd not already done the interior in a 'modern' (aka dull) style. I'm considering a faux-brick wall similar to the outside for the living room, maybe with one of these clocks:

Feelin' weird - WARNING: INDIE WEIRDNESS

2010-01-05T21:44:00.000-08:00

Awesome.

2009-12-30T22:20:00.000-08:00

These anxiety attacks are odd. the one I had today felt like hypoglycaemia. I kicked the wall outside the hospital on discharge. I feel like I'm being had.

Have a shaky, shaky X-Mas...

2009-12-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

So to the best of my physician's knowledge, I have anxiety. Awesome. The first feeling I had was a childish feeling of humiliation. It's tough to admit to anxiety when there is no logical reason to feel that way. I felt like I'd failed my friends, family and self; how could I succumb to anxiety - I am better than this! Of course that's not the point - I just need to do a better job handling stress. It's not about being a 'failure', but rather a person. I thought about how much easier this would be if it were a thyroid problem, how it wouldn't be 'my fault'. I thought of myself as a stereotype - a whiny, privileged loser who can't deal with life. I thought that was how people viewed me. None of this is fair. I think I just need to eat better, sleep more, and slow down. I've spent the past 6 months or so in a fog. I didn't pay attention to much and I didn't care. This is changing. I think I can convince myself that I am not an embarrassment and that people are not always judging me. I think I can convince myself that my friends and family do like me and are not just being nice. I know it.

Okay, who did it?

2009-12-22T06:24:00.001-08:00

I got this gem in an envelope from someone in Montreal whose name I don't recognise. This is the best gift I've gotten in years - it's now got a place of honour on my coat.

2009-12-19T20:44:00.001-08:00

Well, on the plus side I'm getting better at dealing with panic attacks. I took my sad sack to the doctor last week and he thinks it's either my thyroid or anxiety. If it has to be one of the two, I hope it's thyroid. Hopefully the blood work comes back on Monday. My mind is sluggish and distracted 24/7 these days. It's irrational and annoying.

Tiger Woods

2009-12-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

It seems like this won't go away. The story itself is not as interesting as the public's fascination with it. I can't say I'm suprised a billionaire sport star has intercourse outside marriage. I'm surprised that we're so up in arms over it. I don't know any of the people involved, but I don't think Elin Nordgeren is stupid. She used to be the nanny of another pro golfer. That raises red flags in and of itself. Was Woods wrong? I don't know. Is it our business? Not really. Does it matter? Not anymore.

This song will not escape my head. Don't make fun!

2009-12-11T22:09:00.001-08:00

Elton John - I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues

2009-12-10T22:38:00.001-08:00

Home safe and sound after a successful holiday. I had a lot of fun, met up with some dear old friends while making a new friend, and nobody killed me! More after I sleep and burn these damn shoes.

Hypochondria, or 'Aaron is a lunatic'

2009-11-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

Anyone ever deal with this? I have become obsessed with perceived problems and am thinking about getting a shrink. Intellectually I know that I get dizzy sometimes and can be a butterfingers because of a pinched nerve, but I have to fight myself from thinking it's Lou Gehrig's Disease.

It seems counterintuitive to call a doctor to deal with hypochondria, though. I'll get over that. It took until today to get over the embarrassment. Yeah, I have mental problems. I'm okay with that.

2009-11-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

The other day I was making copies and this guy from an adjacent office whom I don't really like walks up and says 'what's goin' on, Mini-Me?'. I can take 'short' jokes if:

1. they're funny, and

2. I like the person telling them.

This clown fails on both points. He's the kind of guy who thinks using the term 'raghead' is okay. I had a rather scathing retort at the ready, but didn't see the point.

Lookin' lame, 101

2009-11-13T10:00:00.000-08:00

So I look like a moron now. I have back problems that are caused in part by my very flat feet. To correct this problem I've been seeing a chiropractor (my cousin, who does a great job and doesn't charge me), losing weight and now wearing shoes designed for people with flat feet. The problem? Shoes for people with flat feet are HIDEOUS! Look at the monstrosities I am currently wearing:

'Hi, girls! I'm 28 years old and still wear sneakers!'

Yeesh. The problem is that the non-sneaker variety is either even lamer or double the price. Maybe I can spraypaint these for the time being.

2009-11-08T01:48:00.001-08:00

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

2009-11-06T08:02:00.000-08:00

In which of these East Coast icons will Aaron get his head stuck? It's anyone's guess.

Less than a month. Come on, holidays!

2009-10-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

So for the first time ever, I purchased a television. I have an addiction to professional basketball and comedy films that is sated much more cheaply at home than away. It felt odd in a way, relegating my barely working set that is older than dirt to secondary status, something to be used in the garage I am turning into a game room. It's odd the way people view certain possessions, as though their age or condition were a reflection of the owner. I dress shabbily, but am generally hygienic. What does that say? Am I overthinking the simple purchase of a TV set due to my snotty dislike of 95% of programming? Of course I am.

Hooboy...

2009-10-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

I researched flight costs for a trip to the 'Deen next summer (I was invited, and even if it were an accident they can't take it back! HA!), and they're astronomical. Even a flight from Chicago to London (the #2 and #3 busiest airports in the world) is near $1000. Craziness. Last time I went out I got round-trip from home to Dublin for $500. Hopefully I don't have to hitchhike around the UK...

Thank you, Tetris

2009-10-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

The swine at Delta Airlines charge a fee of $25 each way to check a bag, but carry-on luggage is free. This sort of challenge intrigues me. Can I pack for a one-week trip using only a carry-on bag? I have a Berghaus sack that is perfect for the job. It'll just take some creative packing to get my necessary items to come along for free. For a week trip I'd take at least 4 pairs of trousers... might need to take fewer. I might just make a list. I will not pay for my baggage on principle.

2009-10-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

Since 1 Aug I have lost 40 lb/22 kg to better sleep. Please be happy. I am.

Decent song...

2009-10-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

The guy who has the drink thrown in his face is my cousin. Bastard got the looks AND talent! Well, at least I got the, uh... dammit.

2009-10-09T11:46:00.001-07:00

WHY did Barack Obama get the Nobel Peace Prize? Doesn't that require some sort of action or accompishment? Let him do something first.

2009-10-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

I should probably stop saying outrageous things just to get a rise out of people. It amuses me, but it gives people a bad impression of who I am. I'm going to shoot for meaning 50% of the things I say.

Videos I like

2009-10-03T22:23:00.001-07:00

I did this at a web forum that I am quite sick of, so I'll transfer it here. Opine away.

The one time a good US city goes for the Olympics...

2009-10-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Fine! We didn't want your stupid Olympics anyway, jerks. Rio and their abundant cocaine/crime/filth look sure to win now.

EDIT: and it's official. come 2016, we will find out why South America have never held an Olympics.

2009-10-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

WHY did I go to the tavern until 2.30 this morning? Yoiks...

chortle

2009-09-29T06:11:00.001-07:00

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

2009-09-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's been walk and run day for me. I'm finally over this throat foolishness and have been using my newfound ability to breathe. It still feels weird to breathe; I have to think about it sometimes. I took the dog on an hour and a half walk on my excellent local bike paths, and just went to the gym to watch NFL football and pound away at one of those cardio machines. I only got in half an hour of that, but it's a start. My metabolism seems to have doubled since the surgery - I finally have the Manton metabolism that makes almost all the rest of my family slim with little effort. I've dropped about 14 kilos (30 lbs) since surgery, AND I'm not hungry all the time! I used to get shit from people about how much I eat. It's nice to not have that 'must eat' thing going 24/7.

2009-09-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

I hate that I'm the target of my best lines.

In MY day...

2009-09-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

This was one of the Third Wave's very few triumphs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4eMrqYvSYA

I think I was 14 when this came out. I was pretty heavy into Second Wave (Madness, the Specials, etc.) and I guess I still am. I felt like an anachronism not being able to get into the 'new' ska music, but it was not that great. As usual, California ruined everything. Save Ferris? Whatever.

Philly cheesesteaks: how to order

2009-09-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

http://www.gophila.com/Go/PressRoom/factsheets/backgrounders1/Cheesesteak_101.aspx

How to Order a Cheesesteak:

Cheesesteak consumption has its own etiquette. When ordering, there are two critical questions to answer: First, what kind of cheese do you want? (Whiz? Provolone? American?) Second, do you want onions? (“Whiz wit?”) The correct way to respond is “Wit” for “Yes, I would like Whiz and onions,” or “Widout” for “No, just the cheese.” Then, ask for any other toppings or condiments you desire. Be forewarned: Lines are long, patience is tested, and if you don’t have your order and money ready to go, you might be sent to the back of the queue.

One whiz with (I refuse to say 'wit'):

nomnomnomnomnom... it looks gross, but SO happy!

YEAAAAH!!!!

2009-09-15T20:35:00.001-07:00

I'm going to try to go back to work tomorrow. I'm off through Friday, but I'm bored and dead-set on eating normal food. Apparently the Brits have their tonsillectomy patients eat normally from the outset and their recoveries are shorter. I'm eating regular food now and am just dealing with the fact that it can feel like I'm swallowing a chain. I'm bad like that [looks sternly and points a finger outward]. Also, getting rid of the crud with scratchy food makes it easier to drink water. YAY slough!

SO close!

2009-09-12T21:12:00.001-07:00

After Day 2: http://isitliveorshake.livejournal.com/data/phonepost/1294.mp3
Just now: http://isitliveorshake.livejournal.com/data/phonepost/1589.mp3

I feel almost good enough to come back to work, but for a dull soreness that still requires the dope for swallowing.

Tomorrow!

2009-09-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

Surgery time! For everyone who has forgotten my lovely voice, here it is:

http://isitliveorshake.livejournal.com/data/phonepost/1046.mp3

I'll be recording snippets while I heal as well as afterwards. I'm curious to see if my voice will change beyond hopefully not having to clear my throat all the time.

good thing I work for the guvmint

2009-09-06T22:34:00.001-07:00

I went out Thursday and stayed out WAAAAAYYYYY too late. I stumbled into the house and passed out around 5. I woke up at 10.40. Problem: work started at 8. Our work rules are pretty good - call in within 2 hours of your shift starting and there is no problem. However, it was 40 min. past that time when I called... sweet. The boss was cool about it over the phone, wishing me good luck on my surgery and that she'd see me in 2 weeks. I know I pissed her off, though. Luckily, I know nothing's going to happen at my job, but Christ is that a sad state of affairs that I couldn't keep it together for the last day I'd be in for a couple of weeks. Maybe all the depressants I've been draining aren't good for the anxiety-prone piece of shit I've been lately.

2009-08-19T09:28:00.001-07:00

I wonder if I got the flag of Syldavia tattooed on my arm if anyone would get it.

2009-08-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

So I've been doing lots of caulking lately - it's as fun as it sounds. On the plus side, I've got one room to go and can then set up my house the way I want it, which is to say much less cluttered than it currently is. I got a reminder of the sicknesses some people have re: clutter today - our office is being remodeled and there was a lady who always saved her paper and plastic bags - I am now the proud owner of 5 ten year-old plastic bags, which will be put to good use cleaning Gilbert's box.

It's 2009, right?

2009-07-27T11:08:00.000-07:00

So nasty I won't show the picture here:

hold your nose

These are the people with whom I am to reason? Fuck that.

Weblog of Aaron.

I love you, soda! Why don't you love me?

Hilarity

Be sure to use 'zoom'. Yes, I am insane now.

Holy sweet god damn she left the cello in the basement

Life bullets

Worth squinting

Road (or treadmill) runner...

29...

Destination: known

Throwin' it open

Taxes

Not up the junction

Why I love Canada

Uh oh

So THIS is why people assume I'm dumb!

Perception

Thought.

*chortle*

The future

More proof that dogs are idiots

Californ-iyay

Taxe$

Do you really think she'll pull through?

I need to move

Meaningless milestone

*snicker*

Love and basketball

Dead on Arrival

Sore.

RIP Jay

DANCE!!!

This carrot is tasty

Feelin' weird - WARNING: INDIE WEIRDNESS

Have a shaky, shaky X-Mas...

Okay, who did it?

Tiger Woods

This song will not escape my head. Don't make fun!

Hypochondria, or 'Aaron is a lunatic'

Lookin' lame, 101

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Hooboy...

Thank you, Tetris

Decent song...

Videos I like

The one time a good US city goes for the Olympics...

*chortle*

AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

In MY day...

Philly cheesesteaks: how to order

YEAAAAH!!!!

SO close!

Tomorrow!

good thing I work for the guvmint

It's 2009, right?

chortle

snicker

chortle