30.12.09

These anxiety attacks are odd. the one I had today felt like hypoglycaemia. I kicked the wall outside the hospital on discharge. I feel like I'm being had.

27.12.09

Have a shaky, shaky X-Mas...

So to the best of my physician's knowledge, I have anxiety. Awesome. The first feeling I had was a childish feeling of humiliation. It's tough to admit to anxiety when there is no logical reason to feel that way. I felt like I'd failed my friends, family and self; how could I succumb to anxiety - I am better than this! Of course that's not the point - I just need to do a better job handling stress. It's not about being a 'failure', but rather a person. I thought about how much easier this would be if it were a thyroid problem, how it wouldn't be 'my fault'. I thought of myself as a stereotype - a whiny, privileged loser who can't deal with life. I thought that was how people viewed me. None of this is fair. I think I just need to eat better, sleep more, and slow down. I've spent the past 6 months or so in a fog. I didn't pay attention to much and I didn't care. This is changing. I think I can convince myself that I am not an embarrassment and that people are not always judging me. I think I can convince myself that my friends and family do like me and are not just being nice. I know it.

22.12.09

Okay, who did it?



I got this gem in an envelope from someone in Montreal whose name I don't recognise. This is the best gift I've gotten in years - it's now got a place of honour on my coat.

19.12.09

Well, on the plus side I'm getting better at dealing with panic attacks. I took my sad sack to the doctor last week and he thinks it's either my thyroid or anxiety. If it has to be one of the two, I hope it's thyroid. Hopefully the blood work comes back on Monday. My mind is sluggish and distracted 24/7 these days. It's irrational and annoying.

16.12.09

Tiger Woods

It seems like this won't go away. The story itself is not as interesting as the public's fascination with it. I can't say I'm suprised a billionaire sport star has intercourse outside marriage. I'm surprised that we're so up in arms over it. I don't know any of the people involved, but I don't think Elin Nordgeren is stupid. She used to be the nanny of another pro golfer. That raises red flags in and of itself. Was Woods wrong? I don't know. Is it our business? Not really. Does it matter? Not anymore.

10.12.09

Home safe and sound after a successful holiday. I had a lot of fun, met up with some dear old friends while making a new friend, and nobody killed me! More after I sleep and burn these damn shoes.